Wicked Gil

Oh lordness I can't concentrate a second. There are so many things out in the wide world I'd rather be doing. Of course I'm not doing any of those particular things either...Yes next week, when exams and assignments aren't COMPLETELY crushing my soul I shall do this:
1. Continue with the pictures: morn, noon, night
2. Go to The Student Magazine: write their pieces
and get a reference letter
3. Send N.E.E.T. a portfolio of my art. Already on
the laptop so not much to do besides gathering
gumption.

Playlist: "Wickedgil" and "ourswords" by Band Of
Horses

3 poems I thought quite

By Richard Brautigan (suggested by a malady of a breeder's mind)

"Your Catfish Friend"
If I were to live my life
in catfish forms
in scaffolds of skin and whiskers
at the bottom of a pond
and you were to come by
one evening
when the moon was shining
down into my dark home
and stand there at the edge
of my affection
and think, "It's beautiful
here by this pond. I wish
somebody loved me,"
I'd love you and be your catfish
friend and drive such lonely
thoughts from your mind
and suddenly you would be
at peace,
and ask yourself, "I wonder
if there are any catfish
in this pond? It seems like
a perfect place for them."

"Karma Repair Kit: Items 1-4"
1. Get enough food to eat,
and eat it.

2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet,
and sleep there.

3. Reduce intellectual activity and emotional noise
until you arrive at the silence of yourself,
and listen to it.

4.


"All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace"
I like to think (and
the sooner the better!)
of a cybernetic meadow
where mammals and computers
live together in mutually
programming harmony
like pure water
touching clear sky.

I like to think
(right now please!)
of a cybernetic forest
filled with pines and electronics
where deer stroll peacefully
past computers
as if they were flowers
with spinning blossoms.

I like to think
(it has to be!)
of a cybernetic ecology
where we are free of our labors
and joined back to nature,
returned to our mammal
brothers and sisters,
and all watched over
by machines of loving grace.

Playlist: My Chemical Romance and an insistent voice in my head saying "Postitpostpostit!" which sounds a lot like Pos tit....

Mystery...calling all DETECTIVES!!!

Who did this...because I thought I took a picture of the painter but I didn't.

Darn, darn, darn.

Whoo, okay now don't swear while looking at an object from the house of the gods:Le Louvre in Paris, France.

Edict OT General #7: New Endeavors with Water Drum 1, 2, & 3

I have endeavored upon a new task. It's quite strange (for a person of my temperament), possibly influenced by a soundtrack supplied by the Baka Forest People (with their excellent water drumming and meant to calm such notions as the ones listed above. I will be photographing myself daily. Notice if you will: I found myself beautiful While on holiday even though I took photo after photo. I became comfortable with my image. I was far away from all I'd known and who had known me. There was no one around to tell what I was or wasn't. There wasn't time to lose that last ten pounds. There wasn't space in my head for "...isn't that grin a bit too wide?" when I'm standing in Versailles. I'm going to carry my camera all the time and take photos of myslef everywhere to remind me: this is who I am. This flesh encapsulates my spirit.

There is today no better day.

Playlist: Baka Forest People, the drone of necessary homework buzz buzzing at my ear, and the inticement of N.E.E.T. (Guess who won out? Of Course. The will is strong, the body? WEAK. Epic Fail...I need to stop saying "Epic Fail" What the FUCK does that even mean in this modern day and age??? In order to get that out of my common vernacular I need to stop hanging out with so many bloody guys.)

Edict OT General #6: Vogue Italia

My cousin had this interesting link (http://www.theroot.com/id/47067) regarding Vogue Italia's Black Issue. This was my response which I thought post worthy:


Wow I've been seeing this Italian Vogue popping up and around in alot of places for awhile now but I have as yet ascertained what exactly my stance on the issue can even be right now. Yeah let me try and spell it out and eventually my head and consciousness will realign their communication skills. Man I hate when they get out of sync!

There is a sense of exoticism in these magazines but i have experienced that in everyday life by merely interacting daily with people of many races.
And do I not too find myself in a mind state of "other" when I not only praise but continue the cycle of cultural generalizations that occur when I discuss such idiosyncrasies such as japanophiling, etc? I'm not sure if the right word for that is racism and it may be that the right word doesn't exist in the English language.
There is a humanity in looking at people, subjects, and ideas outside of our daily realm that causes us to generally step back and I'm not sure if its question, overexamine, or what but it IS different. I find a lot of arguments for the unresolved racist issues lie in erasing our differences. It isn't possible. In fact I would say its undesirable. We are all different. The focus and quality of those differences are what I find to be painful.

But then I have to also look at this from another point of view which is for couture their driving audience and customers are in their own vicious, illogical cycle. Most of the people rich enough to afford the clothing don't have(will never have) the body type subscribed by the catwalk but try to fit in that mold. Those meager few who do fit the mold usually cannot afford the clothes...I think we need to understand that we are not dealing with a rational utopian infrastructure ready to move as one toward change. Using more environmentally friendly materials, less child labour...those are still processes being overcome. Besides a word in the designers defense: most are with the illusion of wealth and the reality of debt. Nonrefundable fabric for clothing that may not sell doesnt come cheap. The skinniest "hanger" (most models, even supermodels, are nonentities in the grand scheme of things) is the most cost effective choice.

Is Italian Vogue's Black Edition mocking the efforts of change with a subtle nonracism or is it part of the solution? Can the editors control the creative intents of its photographers and writers or the design industry itself? Who knows?

And that was the end of my piece but on a quick sidenote: This is the first time Vogue has ever sold out of an issue and had to call for a reprint. Hmm, I guess that adage about women of colour not selling to the "market" were pretty off base.

L@T: Damn Tom Cruise

Okkkaayy, this is a small thing before I get back into this blogging proper (PFT.): I go on to alot of webcomic and gossip blogs (I have to work 8 hrs in an office, doing nothing for 5 of them...sounds fun but boredom sets in, like crabs, preeettty quickly.) and this stupid 25 years of Tom Cruise website is advertised EVERYWHERE. The madness that is Cruise must stop.

Get the hell away from me Tom, GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!!! STOP PRESSURING ME.

Ahem, see I never meant to stab your Scientology beliefs in the heart 20x...but then again, it happened and no one really misses it. SEE YA!

BTW, bootleg "The Hulk" because Norton you ain't all that great of an editor and Liv needs to stop heaving her breastisis in her voice through every scene. That sort of acting went out with the original "King Kong" and the silent movie so put it to rest Liv, I see you.

Soundtrack: the HGTV network

Edict OT General #5: The Art of Goal

You know me. Late, as usual, with the things I wanna do and giving heart and soul to what I have to do. Trying to meld those two together isn’t as easy as your childhood self thought. For too many weeks now I’ve been on autopilot and today of course that stops. It helps that I got about 12 hours of never before heard of sleep last night but I digress.

A goal takes you off autopilot. A goal is making a dream the life you’re living. In fact I would go so far as to say this about the creation and mastery of the goal: it forces the mind to focus, unequivocally, on the issue of the life at hand. Make no mistake, Hitler had goal(s). The goal is a weapon of the wakened conscious. You can’t have a goal and kind of not notice it. It’s like being a little bit pregnant-something is off, something is there. And it has a timeframe from which it will eventually make its grand (and messy) escape from the womb- yes we are still speaking metaphorically (Unless that happened to you. Then…awkward.).

There’s two opposing viewpoints on this, wait no, three. But the last one is the one you don’t- I mean REALLY- don’t want to go to but I should mention it anyway.

You could:

The Tendzin Choegyal strategy: Say fuck it. That’s right. FUCK IT. But not exactly how you’re thinking. Recently I read an interview in Giant Robot regarding the Dalai Lama’s younger brother. Now I do know what you’re thinking. The Dalai Lama has a SURPRISE BROTHER??? Who knew? Where has he been? What does he do? Where does he go?

Well then. That sucks. Consider, if you will, the following: how could you ever compete when your big brother’s the bloody leader of Buddhists everywhere, one of the most respected men in the world, on the Time’s list of 100 (just 100!!!) most influential people in the world who knows how many times including the 2008 list… I mean Christ, come on.

But the way it went down was even crazier. You see, he also got summoned to a higher calling. He is also the reincarnation of an important spiritual figure. And where his brother embraced his role, this guy said the above statement: Fuck dat, me nah do it (as my grandmother would say). He booked it and was a total rebel. His favourite movies are war movies like Saving Private Ryan. He takes lithium. He agrees with his brother religious views and thinks his being chosen was a “fluke”. I have this book called “The Most Important Thing I Know” regarding life lessons. And he’s someone I think they ought to have solicited. People like that, who at a young age have the strength of character to know the way his life needed to play out was in the pursuit of his own happiness…? A nirvana of self you might say. To know and ( I don’t know if he’s accepted this ineptitude on his part but…) accept the inability to lead millions when he knows he’s not ready…a goal can allow you to sweep aside the grappling hooks of other’s desires when they try to trap you down. Its not that he lacked that calm that his brother has in the face of adversary. But he’s more the kind of guy who pops a bottle of piss wine and asks anyone if they want a bit of liquid courage for the journey.

The Randy Pausch strategy: Laugh and prove yourself past the brick walls. “ "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams" For more, visit www.cmu.edu/randyslecture.

"Journeys" are special University Lectures in which Carnegie Mellon faculty members share their reflections on their journeys -- the everyday actions, decisions, challenges and joys that make a life.” That’s the afterschool introduction.

I’m not going to mention how hard it was to view this stupid video on youtube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo&watch_response) because it kept cutting out because it’s not important. He makes a list of his childhood dreams and he makes his way through them. His quotes go through the following:

“Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things”

“the head fake”

“It’s very important to know when you’re in a pissing match. And it’s very important to get out of it as quickly as possible”

“Psh, like Wiley Coyote”

“They both said the same thing but think about how they said it”

“Some brick walls are made of flesh”

“It was a lot like the Soviet Union. It was a little dicey for awhile.”

“You’d be amazed how many 19 year old boys are out of ideas when you take those two off the table”

“Sensei what do I do?”

“I’ve never had parents come to class before. It was flattering but frightening”

“…And talk about quick on your feet…pulls out his ninja sword and says ’I am dishonoured AWGHHHH!!!’ and just drops…he’s laying there lifeless”

“The course was all about bonding…if they’re standing close to each other, the world is good”

“When you’re doing something pioneering you are going to get those arrows in the back and you just have to put up with it. Everything that could go wrong…”

“When you’ve had something for ten years that you hold so precious, it’s the toughest thing in the world to hand it over. And the only advice I can give you is find someone better than you to hand it to. And that’s what I did”

“Two kindreds spirit but we’re very different’

“I detect nervous laughter”

“This is a terrible joke but I’m going to use it anyway because I know Don will forgive me”

“Sharing an office with Don was like sharing a space with a tornado. There was just so much energy and you never knew which trailer was next”

“None of that book learning thing…by now they should have read all the books”

“And we took field trips!”

“Oh god I hear the nervous laughter from the students. I had forgotten the delayed shock therapy effects of these bar charts”

“Boy that’s hard feedback to ignore- some still managed. But for the most part people looked at that and went wow I gotta kick it up a notch, I gotta start thinking about what I’m saying to people in these meetings. And that is the best gift and educator can give, is to get someone to become self reflective”

“And I guess that makes me the real mad hatter”

“He was like a mythical creature. He was like a centaur but a really, really pissed off centaur”

“I don’t know how to not have fun. I am dying and I’m having fun. And I’m going to keep having fun every day I have left because there’s no other way to play it”

“I think I’m clear where I stand on the great Tigger or Eeyore debate”

He’s got a bunch of humorous sayings like this that I didn’t quote and it felt like I quoted the whole thing. I don’t care that he’s dying but it does suck because he’s the kind of guy who I’d like to spend the rest of my life learning from. He’s like my friends I have now: sarcastically humorous in a mischievous sort of way, lots of heart, and plenty of nerdy facial expressions and facts. The reason I kept going and hacking away at trying to see this whole video was because I want to see more of the jokes. My crew and I say stupid things like that all the time. The fact is we aren’t as funny if you can’t see the face that goes with the joke. The audience is thinking like myself: we are him and he is us…but better. If I wasn’t already going to a school that’s best for me, I would be inspired as all heeeelllll to go where he is. He has created the Alice program which teaches kids and college students to script computer software. I will be downloading it. I’ve always wanted to learn and it seemed too hard so I’m getting the fuck on that. By the way, the last ten minutes are so key.

So to recap:

Laugh but work hard.

“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible”

Play really sweet pranks but be so smart about it they just say “bastard” with love and chuckle.

Gather a team and assemble. Like the Avengers, man.

The Nemesis Strategy: I have this unnamed person in my field or repertoire of social associates who has a major nemesis. It consumes them with a passionate heft of their being. I believe that scientists who can’t find the part of your brain where your heart is could map out the exact parts of this brain where their goal lies in regards to their nemesis with one of those rulers you get out of a cereal box for baby geniuses. I am constantly and consistently amazed at the lengths they will go to make sure their nemesis is both out of their life and yet constructing the boundaries of their life as well. The thing about nemeses is the same reason the villain on cartoons aren’t very plausible. On some base level we are aware as children that no one really cares that much. When we get older we’re better able to vocalize this knowledge. This person is both childishly and fanatically devoted to their goals. You could fault them as much as you could a Star Trek fan or Cosplayer. I am, of course, completely disassociated with this person despite my curiosity at their batshitcraziness due to my complete love for them. People like these are loved and loved dearly. They don’t hate ANYONE except their nemesis. They are unwavering in this devotion and, except for the unlucky bastard, they have no room to hate anyone else. One person is enough, thank you. And, on some level, despite the abject refutes of several colleagues: I think this person is very happy doing and living this life that they lead. Almost no one tells them what to do anymore. Every one you know thinks you’re crazy. At this point they’re just glad you haven’t started on a street corner somewhere. There must be a relief in knowing this is the lowest people will ever think of you. And guess what? You survived their bad judgement. Funny, you thought you wouldn’t but then oopsy daisy, you did.

Now I’m not going to tell you what to do. I’ve obviously made my own choice but you have to make yours. Worse, maybe you already have. When you have the weapon of a goal you can draw the lines in the sand clearly enough for you to see.

The lines that divide us from ourselves are, unfortunately, ourselves. Our negativity, our pessimism, our hardened hearts and thoughts… And all this can be funny, hilarious even, in the right contexts. But too often these harsh vortexes take us far, far away from living our dreams into a polar (I always associate poles with the North Pole, which is associated with Christmas, which is associated with Santa, who lives in the Artic [for some unspecified reason…probably to escape our narcissistic obese addiction to consumerism. My guess.] which is cold and desolate, which I then associate with the word pole. Hmm, I like this game. AnYWAY.) dystopia which we call reality.

Because in reality, we are no one special.

In reality, those who take risks always lose.

In reality, there are no exceptions to the rule.

I say, that right now, some of us are in a dystopia. George Orwell, etc etc- the rest of us are out there really living and the rest are asleep on autopilot.

But we can wake up any second.

At the end of the day you know what that is: hope.

Soundtrack: The rain outside my window.