Kay these are rants from miles and days and inches ago...serious. But January sort of imploded all over me which is just as gross as it sounds. So I'm just going to quickly recap that lovely week in January, put up an edict, put up a link, update some info and be gone baby gone. Off to watch NCIS, brain shall return.
Day 4-
Actually inbetween the lazing alot of good got done. Plans were being made left and right. Weelll the shapes of plans were being made. And today I gave a very basic rundown of my magazine pitch to a friend ( http://girlsdontusuallydothis.blogspot.com/2007_10_01_archive.html ) for the first time. Which is cool and weird at the same time. It's cool but no one knows how much courage it took for me to talk about the magazine idea to a friend. I had no idea what reaction to expect. Didn't have the balls to tell her the whole thing but the first step is out there, vibrating in the world. Now it's up to me to kind of follow it through.
It's weird because I have friends from high school who don't really know me because even though I've changed so much in the last five years I hide these parts of myself from them so our friendship can continue. Essentially they are still friends with the "high school" me ( I feel Kate Nash's "Foundations" would really explain the feeling I go through. Occassionally the cracks in these relationships cannot be smoothed over...)
Nearly everytime we reconnect its weird in my head. An emotional goal for this year can be to see whether they can accept me as I am ( a sexuality accepting, fashion/art whore/hobo, lit freak, sarcastically optimistic, OCD/ADD/Dyslexic whole human being) and vice versa. If they can't then there are some facades one cannot and should not aim to keep.
Without acceptance there is no love. Without love there is a vortex...a black hole where love should be.
Over the course of just living, each and every one of us, saints and all, will harm, hurt, damage, and break those around us. Why invite the inevitable into our lives? Why not encounter it as the bigger picture intended?
My mantra for 2008:
IF YOU CAN'T ACCEPT ME AS I AM THEN THIS IS ME ANYWAY- WORKING TO MAKE THE REALITY OF ME BE. I AM SORRY YOU CAN'T BE APART OF THAT PROCESS (...cuz it would have been so killer!!! Why do you think I was inviting you, the chips you'd bring? Well you would have been partly right).
I guess that's what I'm going to have to say and be at. Ha, who wouldn't want to be on they're journey to "there"???
Playlist: "7 days" Craig David ft. Mos Def / "a night like this" The Cure, "spaze out" Lupe Fiasco, "push" Madonna, "billy" James Blunt, "hunter" Dido, "black hole sun" Soundgarden
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