Oh lordness I can't concentrate a second. There are so many things out in the wide world I'd rather be doing. Of course I'm not doing any of those particular things either...Yes next week, when exams and assignments aren't COMPLETELY crushing my soul I shall do this:
1. Continue with the pictures: morn, noon, night
2. Go to The Student Magazine: write their pieces
and get a reference letter
3. Send N.E.E.T. a portfolio of my art. Already on
the laptop so not much to do besides gathering
gumption.
Playlist: "Wickedgil" and "ourswords" by Band Of
Horses
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
3 poems I thought quite
By Richard Brautigan (suggested by a malady of a breeder's mind)
"Your Catfish Friend"
If I were to live my life
in catfish forms
in scaffolds of skin and whiskers
at the bottom of a pond
and you were to come by
one evening
when the moon was shining
down into my dark home
and stand there at the edge
of my affection
and think, "It's beautiful
here by this pond. I wish
somebody loved me,"
I'd love you and be your catfish
friend and drive such lonely
thoughts from your mind
and suddenly you would be
at peace,
and ask yourself, "I wonder
if there are any catfish
in this pond? It seems like
a perfect place for them."
"Karma Repair Kit: Items 1-4"
1. Get enough food to eat,
and eat it.
2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet,
and sleep there.
3. Reduce intellectual activity and emotional noise
until you arrive at the silence of yourself,
and listen to it.
4.
"All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace"
I like to think (and
the sooner the better!)
of a cybernetic meadow
where mammals and computers
live together in mutually
programming harmony
like pure water
touching clear sky.
I like to think
(right now please!)
of a cybernetic forest
filled with pines and electronics
where deer stroll peacefully
past computers
as if they were flowers
with spinning blossoms.
I like to think
(it has to be!)
of a cybernetic ecology
where we are free of our labors
and joined back to nature,
returned to our mammal
brothers and sisters,
and all watched over
by machines of loving grace.
Playlist: My Chemical Romance and an insistent voice in my head saying "Postitpostpostit!" which sounds a lot like Pos tit....
"Your Catfish Friend"
If I were to live my life
in catfish forms
in scaffolds of skin and whiskers
at the bottom of a pond
and you were to come by
one evening
when the moon was shining
down into my dark home
and stand there at the edge
of my affection
and think, "It's beautiful
here by this pond. I wish
somebody loved me,"
I'd love you and be your catfish
friend and drive such lonely
thoughts from your mind
and suddenly you would be
at peace,
and ask yourself, "I wonder
if there are any catfish
in this pond? It seems like
a perfect place for them."
"Karma Repair Kit: Items 1-4"
1. Get enough food to eat,
and eat it.
2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet,
and sleep there.
3. Reduce intellectual activity and emotional noise
until you arrive at the silence of yourself,
and listen to it.
4.
"All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace"
I like to think (and
the sooner the better!)
of a cybernetic meadow
where mammals and computers
live together in mutually
programming harmony
like pure water
touching clear sky.
I like to think
(right now please!)
of a cybernetic forest
filled with pines and electronics
where deer stroll peacefully
past computers
as if they were flowers
with spinning blossoms.
I like to think
(it has to be!)
of a cybernetic ecology
where we are free of our labors
and joined back to nature,
returned to our mammal
brothers and sisters,
and all watched over
by machines of loving grace.
Playlist: My Chemical Romance and an insistent voice in my head saying "Postitpostpostit!" which sounds a lot like Pos tit....
Mystery...calling all DETECTIVES!!!
Who did this...because I thought I took a picture of the painter but I didn't.
Darn, darn, darn.
Whoo, okay now don't swear while looking at an object from the house of the gods:Le Louvre in Paris, France.
Darn, darn, darn.
Whoo, okay now don't swear while looking at an object from the house of the gods:Le Louvre in Paris, France.
Edict OT General #7: New Endeavors with Water Drum 1, 2, & 3
I have endeavored upon a new task. It's quite strange (for a person of my temperament), possibly influenced by a soundtrack supplied by the Baka Forest People (with their excellent water drumming and meant to calm such notions as the ones listed above. I will be photographing myself daily. Notice if you will: I found myself beautiful While on holiday even though I took photo after photo. I became comfortable with my image. I was far away from all I'd known and who had known me. There was no one around to tell what I was or wasn't. There wasn't time to lose that last ten pounds. There wasn't space in my head for "...isn't that grin a bit too wide?" when I'm standing in Versailles. I'm going to carry my camera all the time and take photos of myslef everywhere to remind me: this is who I am. This flesh encapsulates my spirit.
There is today no better day.
Playlist: Baka Forest People, the drone of necessary homework buzz buzzing at my ear, and the inticement of N.E.E.T. (Guess who won out? Of Course. The will is strong, the body? WEAK. Epic Fail...I need to stop saying "Epic Fail" What the FUCK does that even mean in this modern day and age??? In order to get that out of my common vernacular I need to stop hanging out with so many bloody guys.)
There is today no better day.
Playlist: Baka Forest People, the drone of necessary homework buzz buzzing at my ear, and the inticement of N.E.E.T. (Guess who won out? Of Course. The will is strong, the body? WEAK. Epic Fail...I need to stop saying "Epic Fail" What the FUCK does that even mean in this modern day and age??? In order to get that out of my common vernacular I need to stop hanging out with so many bloody guys.)
Monday, July 28, 2008
Edict OT General #6: Vogue Italia
My cousin had this interesting link (http://www.theroot.com/id/47067 ) regarding Vogue Italia's Black Issue. This was my response which I thought post worthy:
Wow I've been seeing this Italian Vogue popping up and around in alot of places for awhile now but I have as yet ascertained what exactly my stance on the issue can even be right now. Yeah let me try and spell it out and eventually my head and consciousness will realign their communication skills. Man I hate when they get out of sync!
There is a sense of exoticism in these magazines but i have experienced that in everyday life by merely interacting daily with people of many races.
And do I not too find myself in a mind state of "other" when I not only praise but continue the cycle of cultural generalizations that occur when I discuss such idiosyncrasies such as japanophiling, etc? I'm not sure if the right word for that is racism and it may be that the right word doesn't exist in the English language.
There is a humanity in looking at people, subjects, and ideas outside of our daily realm that causes us to generally step back and I'm not sure if its question, overexamine, or what but it IS different. I find a lot of arguments for the unresolved racist issues lie in erasing our differences. It isn't possible. In fact I would say its undesirable. We are all different. The focus and quality of those differences are what I find to be painful.
But then I have to also look at this from another point of view which is for couture their driving audience and customers are in their own vicious, illogical cycle. Most of the people rich enough to afford the clothing don't have(will never have) the body type subscribed by the catwalk but try to fit in that mold. Those meager few who do fit the mold usually cannot afford the clothes...I think we need to understand that we are not dealing with a rational utopian infrastructure ready to move as one toward change. Using more environmentally friendly materials, less child labour...those are still processes being overcome. Besides a word in the designers defense: most are with the illusion of wealth and the reality of debt. Nonrefundable fabric for clothing that may not sell doesnt come cheap. The skinniest "hanger" (most models, even supermodels, are nonentities in the grand scheme of things) is the most cost effective choice.
Is Italian Vogue's Black Edition mocking the efforts of change with a subtle nonracism or is it part of the solution? Can the editors control the creative intents of its photographers and writers or the design industry itself? Who knows?
And that was the end of my piece but on a quick sidenote: This is the first time Vogue has ever sold out of an issue and had to call for a reprint. Hmm, I guess that adage about women of colour not selling to the "market" were pretty off base.
Wow I've been seeing this Italian Vogue popping up and around in alot of places for awhile now but I have as yet ascertained what exactly my stance on the issue can even be right now. Yeah let me try and spell it out and eventually my head and consciousness will realign their communication skills. Man I hate when they get out of sync!
There is a sense of exoticism in these magazines but i have experienced that in everyday life by merely interacting daily with people of many races.
And do I not too find myself in a mind state of "other" when I not only praise but continue the cycle of cultural generalizations that occur when I discuss such idiosyncrasies such as japanophiling, etc? I'm not sure if the right word for that is racism and it may be that the right word doesn't exist in the English language.
There is a humanity in looking at people, subjects, and ideas outside of our daily realm that causes us to generally step back and I'm not sure if its question, overexamine, or what but it IS different. I find a lot of arguments for the unresolved racist issues lie in erasing our differences. It isn't possible. In fact I would say its undesirable. We are all different. The focus and quality of those differences are what I find to be painful.
But then I have to also look at this from another point of view which is for couture their driving audience and customers are in their own vicious, illogical cycle. Most of the people rich enough to afford the clothing don't have(will never have) the body type subscribed by the catwalk but try to fit in that mold. Those meager few who do fit the mold usually cannot afford the clothes...I think we need to understand that we are not dealing with a rational utopian infrastructure ready to move as one toward change. Using more environmentally friendly materials, less child labour...those are still processes being overcome. Besides a word in the designers defense: most are with the illusion of wealth and the reality of debt. Nonrefundable fabric for clothing that may not sell doesnt come cheap. The skinniest "hanger" (most models, even supermodels, are nonentities in the grand scheme of things) is the most cost effective choice.
Is Italian Vogue's Black Edition mocking the efforts of change with a subtle nonracism or is it part of the solution? Can the editors control the creative intents of its photographers and writers or the design industry itself? Who knows?
And that was the end of my piece but on a quick sidenote: This is the first time Vogue has ever sold out of an issue and had to call for a reprint. Hmm, I guess that adage about women of colour not selling to the "market" were pretty off base.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
L@T: Damn Tom Cruise
Okkkaayy, this is a small thing before I get back into this blogging proper (PFT.): I go on to alot of webcomic and gossip blogs (I have to work 8 hrs in an office, doing nothing for 5 of them...sounds fun but boredom sets in, like crabs, preeettty quickly.) and this stupid 25 years of Tom Cruise website is advertised EVERYWHERE. The madness that is Cruise must stop.
Get the hell away from me Tom, GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!!! STOP PRESSURING ME.
Ahem, see I never meant to stab your Scientology beliefs in the heart 20x...but then again, it happened and no one really misses it. SEE YA!
BTW, bootleg "The Hulk" because Norton you ain't all that great of an editor and Liv needs to stop heaving her breastisis in her voice through every scene. That sort of acting went out with the original "King Kong" and the silent movie so put it to rest Liv, I see you.
Soundtrack: the HGTV network
Get the hell away from me Tom, GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!!! STOP PRESSURING ME.
Ahem, see I never meant to stab your Scientology beliefs in the heart 20x...but then again, it happened and no one really misses it. SEE YA!
BTW, bootleg "The Hulk" because Norton you ain't all that great of an editor and Liv needs to stop heaving her breastisis in her voice through every scene. That sort of acting went out with the original "King Kong" and the silent movie so put it to rest Liv, I see you.
Soundtrack: the HGTV network
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Edict OT General #5: The Art of Goal
You know me. Late, as usual, with the things I wanna do and giving heart and soul to what I have to do. Trying to meld those two together isn’t as easy as your childhood self thought. For too many weeks now I’ve been on autopilot and today of course that stops. It helps that I got about 12 hours of never before heard of sleep last night but I digress.
A goal takes you off autopilot. A goal is making a dream the life you’re living. In fact I would go so far as to say this about the creation and mastery of the goal: it forces the mind to focus, unequivocally, on the issue of the life at hand. Make no mistake, Hitler had goal(s). The goal is a weapon of the wakened conscious. You can’t have a goal and kind of not notice it. It’s like being a little bit pregnant-something is off, something is there. And it has a timeframe from which it will eventually make its grand (and messy) escape from the womb- yes we are still speaking metaphorically (Unless that happened to you. Then…awkward.).
There’s two opposing viewpoints on this, wait no, three. But the last one is the one you don’t- I mean REALLY- don’t want to go to but I should mention it anyway.
You could:
The Tendzin Choegyal strategy: Say fuck it. That’s right. FUCK IT. But not exactly how you’re thinking. Recently I read an interview in Giant Robot regarding the Dalai Lama’s younger brother. Now I do know what you’re thinking. The Dalai Lama has a SURPRISE BROTHER??? Who knew? Where has he been? What does he do? Where does he go?
Well then. That sucks. Consider, if you will, the following: how could you ever compete when your big brother’s the bloody leader of Buddhists everywhere, one of the most respected men in the world, on the Time’s list of 100 (just 100!!!) most influential people in the world who knows how many times including the 2008 list… I mean Christ, come on.
But the way it went down was even crazier. You see, he also got summoned to a higher calling. He is also the reincarnation of an important spiritual figure. And where his brother embraced his role, this guy said the above statement: Fuck dat, me nah do it (as my grandmother would say). He booked it and was a total rebel. His favourite movies are war movies like Saving Private Ryan. He takes lithium. He agrees with his brother religious views and thinks his being chosen was a “fluke”. I have this book called “The Most Important Thing I Know” regarding life lessons. And he’s someone I think they ought to have solicited. People like that, who at a young age have the strength of character to know the way his life needed to play out was in the pursuit of his own happiness…? A nirvana of self you might say. To know and ( I don’t know if he’s accepted this ineptitude on his part but…) accept the inability to lead millions when he knows he’s not ready…a goal can allow you to sweep aside the grappling hooks of other’s desires when they try to trap you down. Its not that he lacked that calm that his brother has in the face of adversary. But he’s more the kind of guy who pops a bottle of piss wine and asks anyone if they want a bit of liquid courage for the journey.
The Randy Pausch strategy: Laugh and prove yourself past the brick walls. “ "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams" For more, visit www.cmu.edu/randyslecture.
"Journeys" are special University Lectures in which Carnegie Mellon faculty members share their reflections on their journeys -- the everyday actions, decisions, challenges and joys that make a life.” That’s the afterschool introduction.
I’m not going to mention how hard it was to view this stupid video on youtube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo&watch_response) because it kept cutting out because it’s not important. He makes a list of his childhood dreams and he makes his way through them. His quotes go through the following:
“Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things”
“the head fake”
“It’s very important to know when you’re in a pissing match. And it’s very important to get out of it as quickly as possible”
“Psh, like Wiley Coyote”
“They both said the same thing but think about how they said it”
“Some brick walls are made of flesh”
“It was a lot like the
“You’d be amazed how many 19 year old boys are out of ideas when you take those two off the table”
“Sensei what do I do?”
“I’ve never had parents come to class before. It was flattering but frightening”
“…And talk about quick on your feet…pulls out his ninja sword and says ’I am dishonoured AWGHHHH!!!’ and just drops…he’s laying there lifeless”
“The course was all about bonding…if they’re standing close to each other, the world is good”
“When you’re doing something pioneering you are going to get those arrows in the back and you just have to put up with it. Everything that could go wrong…”
“When you’ve had something for ten years that you hold so precious, it’s the toughest thing in the world to hand it over. And the only advice I can give you is find someone better than you to hand it to. And that’s what I did”
“Two kindreds spirit but we’re very different’
“I detect nervous laughter”
“This is a terrible joke but I’m going to use it anyway because I know Don will forgive me”
“Sharing an office with Don was like sharing a space with a tornado. There was just so much energy and you never knew which trailer was next”
“None of that book learning thing…by now they should have read all the books”
“And we took field trips!”
“Oh god I hear the nervous laughter from the students. I had forgotten the delayed shock therapy effects of these bar charts”
“Boy that’s hard feedback to ignore- some still managed. But for the most part people looked at that and went wow I gotta kick it up a notch, I gotta start thinking about what I’m saying to people in these meetings. And that is the best gift and educator can give, is to get someone to become self reflective”
“And I guess that makes me the real mad hatter”
“He was like a mythical creature. He was like a centaur but a really, really pissed off centaur”
“I don’t know how to not have fun. I am dying and I’m having fun. And I’m going to keep having fun every day I have left because there’s no other way to play it”
“I think I’m clear where I stand on the great Tigger or Eeyore debate”
He’s got a bunch of humorous sayings like this that I didn’t quote and it felt like I quoted the whole thing. I don’t care that he’s dying but it does suck because he’s the kind of guy who I’d like to spend the rest of my life learning from. He’s like my friends I have now: sarcastically humorous in a mischievous sort of way, lots of heart, and plenty of nerdy facial expressions and facts. The reason I kept going and hacking away at trying to see this whole video was because I want to see more of the jokes. My crew and I say stupid things like that all the time. The fact is we aren’t as funny if you can’t see the face that goes with the joke. The audience is thinking like myself: we are him and he is us…but better. If I wasn’t already going to a school that’s best for me, I would be inspired as all heeeelllll to go where he is. He has created the
So to recap:
Laugh but work hard.
“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible”
Play really sweet pranks but be so smart about it they just say “bastard” with love and chuckle.
Gather a team and assemble. Like the Avengers, man.
The Nemesis Strategy: I have this unnamed person in my field or repertoire of social associates who has a major nemesis. It consumes them with a passionate heft of their being. I believe that scientists who can’t find the part of your brain where your heart is could map out the exact parts of this brain where their goal lies in regards to their nemesis with one of those rulers you get out of a cereal box for baby geniuses. I am constantly and consistently amazed at the lengths they will go to make sure their nemesis is both out of their life and yet constructing the boundaries of their life as well. The thing about nemeses is the same reason the villain on cartoons aren’t very plausible. On some base level we are aware as children that no one really cares that much. When we get older we’re better able to vocalize this knowledge. This person is both childishly and fanatically devoted to their goals. You could fault them as much as you could a Star Trek fan or Cosplayer. I am, of course, completely disassociated with this person despite my curiosity at their batshitcraziness due to my complete love for them. People like these are loved and loved dearly. They don’t hate ANYONE except their nemesis. They are unwavering in this devotion and, except for the unlucky bastard, they have no room to hate anyone else. One person is enough, thank you. And, on some level, despite the abject refutes of several colleagues: I think this person is very happy doing and living this life that they lead. Almost no one tells them what to do anymore. Every one you know thinks you’re crazy. At this point they’re just glad you haven’t started on a street corner somewhere. There must be a relief in knowing this is the lowest people will ever think of you. And guess what? You survived their bad judgement. Funny, you thought you wouldn’t but then oopsy daisy, you did.
Now I’m not going to tell you what to do. I’ve obviously made my own choice but you have to make yours. Worse, maybe you already have. When you have the weapon of a goal you can draw the lines in the sand clearly enough for you to see.
The lines that divide us from ourselves are, unfortunately, ourselves. Our negativity, our pessimism, our hardened hearts and thoughts… And all this can be funny, hilarious even, in the right contexts. But too often these harsh vortexes take us far, far away from living our dreams into a polar (I always associate poles with the North Pole, which is associated with Christmas, which is associated with Santa, who lives in the Artic [for some unspecified reason…probably to escape our narcissistic obese addiction to consumerism. My guess.] which is cold and desolate, which I then associate with the word pole. Hmm, I like this game. AnYWAY.) dystopia which we call reality.
Because in reality, we are no one special.
In reality, those who take risks always lose.
In reality, there are no exceptions to the rule.
I say, that right now, some of us are in a dystopia. George Orwell, etc etc- the rest of us are out there really living and the rest are asleep on autopilot.
But we can wake up any second.
At the end of the day you know what that is: hope.
Soundtrack: The rain outside my window.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Edict OT General # 4: Crossroads
There are a thousand myths surrounding crossroads. Off the top of my head there's the hoodoo myth of the black man waiting to tempt you to sell your soul on a bad deal, the biblical turns in the Valley of Death, the sphinx asking riddles in exchange for your life ( yours to keep or its to take!), these individuals are stuck in a no man's land neither real nor imagined...symbolically crossroads mean an ultimate choice, a complete rejection of an opposite philosophy. For someone at a "crossroads" you are alone, for you there is no turning back.
When you come across crossroads, take the middle path. Or take the extreme path. Or take the pass well worn. Sometimes this isn't the right time to make your move so patiently wait.
Huh, you might say, what does this mean, what are you telling me?
Well may I remind you I'm not Zarathustra so how the fuck should I know whats going on in your life?
Only you can make that choice. What I do advise is to look deeply into the two abysses of void on either side, the possibilities so numerous there is nothing to discern, and judge for yourself how you can live with the choices you're about to make.
So of course when I start to think about this topic I head to my favourite place in the internet: Wikipedia.
Some professors refer to the crossroads as a turning point with an unpredictable outcome. In ancient literature some scripts have references to other dimensional worlds with their own crossroads. In these texts the crossroads seem to have four different endings, a golden age, nothing changed, apocalypse, and a bad event that varies with every different world.[citation needed]
That REALLY got me thinking. I felt like there was only two choices, maybe three results but four? Didn't see that coming. But its right if you think of the crossroads as more than a physical place but a sort of Limbo in which you come shooting out of like a star...then its all so obvious, like YES of course!
1~Can you always orchestrate a golden age? That's something that's more luck than anything, after all you can be working hard to move forward and everyone else is apathetic or working just as hardily to be your negative. So from your viewpoint the world is being torn down and others may see it as being revolutionized. You'll be lucky if everyone agrees with your decisions and hard work/preparation.
2~Nothing changes; sometimes the profound change is within. I think those are the best. You look and its like someone transferred your eyes to someone else and you got theirs like a viewpoint exchange system. Be grateful the world isn't as over as you'd been scared of in the first place. That's another reason people fear crossroads: the loneliness, you being left alone with your self. You're afraid of what you'll find there, whether the reality will demolish all your hopes and dreams.
3~An apocalypse. I'm pretty there's no nice way of looking at this. Then again for an apocalypse: what is this 'nice'? For me, this sort of total implosion of time and space will always be embodied in the Marvel character of the same name. There is no right or wrong, there is only the destiny of place (including class, race, and economy) thus a tower of of power and control.
4~The bad event sentence is badly framed. There is only one reality: the one you're present in. That's why I can understand those otaku's who believe, deeply believe/live/think they are in what others decide are 'fantasy' worlds. For them, they live in those places of reality at all times, that's who they are. after all who tells us what's real? This taste, these lips that have lied before; these eyes that squint and blur; these hands that strike and take up gleeful violence without a thought; and these ears that need voices to repeat lies they choose to believe? Ha I think not. This is the same body that told me I was in love, in pain, that hurt when all its trying to do is save itself. I can respect those who embody their reality with their minds more than their bodies. 'A bad event' (whatever that may be) is the inhuman foil for the golden age. Now its you disagreeing with the masses instead of agreeing.
All of these however are a result of the choices you make. These are the terrible and sublime results of your descisions that you strive to make. That's why crossroads confuse us so much, its a crapshoot. You literally have no way of knowing what's going to happen. Just step off the cliff and die already or live.
On the other hand there's an option we haven't discussed. you can stop time itself, staring at the sunset forever, as you stand unwilling to make a choice. This could never be something I'd willingly advise to anyone although this is how so many of us try to live our lives. By doing this we do what those you scorn the visual arts hate the most, we try to live in a moment, a snapshot of a second, and refuse to realise that as soon as that second ended so did that perfection. Its hard to explain but that is my attempt. Imagine yourself somewhere safe with a photograph of the color black in your hand. You stare into that photograph deeply trying to see more details that you might have missed at first glance, constantly searching in that photograph for something to envelope your being and take you in. I'm sorry if this is too hyperbolic for you to stand but that's what I'm trying to explain for the others who don't get that taking a stand is the only way to live. I apologize to those who understand, you probably could have done with skipping this paragraph.
Playlist from Youtube with searchable title and user who uploaded (not in any type of order, just things off my favourited list, which is very long, btw I'm vonton22 on there so that is that) :
When you come across crossroads, take the middle path. Or take the extreme path. Or take the pass well worn. Sometimes this isn't the right time to make your move so patiently wait.
Huh, you might say, what does this mean, what are you telling me?
Well may I remind you I'm not Zarathustra so how the fuck should I know whats going on in your life?
Only you can make that choice. What I do advise is to look deeply into the two abysses of void on either side, the possibilities so numerous there is nothing to discern, and judge for yourself how you can live with the choices you're about to make.
So of course when I start to think about this topic I head to my favourite place in the internet: Wikipedia.
Some professors refer to the crossroads as a turning point with an unpredictable outcome. In ancient literature some scripts have references to other dimensional worlds with their own crossroads. In these texts the crossroads seem to have four different endings, a golden age, nothing changed, apocalypse, and a bad event that varies with every different world.[citation needed]
That REALLY got me thinking. I felt like there was only two choices, maybe three results but four? Didn't see that coming. But its right if you think of the crossroads as more than a physical place but a sort of Limbo in which you come shooting out of like a star...then its all so obvious, like YES of course!
1~Can you always orchestrate a golden age? That's something that's more luck than anything, after all you can be working hard to move forward and everyone else is apathetic or working just as hardily to be your negative. So from your viewpoint the world is being torn down and others may see it as being revolutionized. You'll be lucky if everyone agrees with your decisions and hard work/preparation.
2~Nothing changes; sometimes the profound change is within. I think those are the best. You look and its like someone transferred your eyes to someone else and you got theirs like a viewpoint exchange system. Be grateful the world isn't as over as you'd been scared of in the first place. That's another reason people fear crossroads: the loneliness, you being left alone with your self. You're afraid of what you'll find there, whether the reality will demolish all your hopes and dreams.
3~An apocalypse. I'm pretty there's no nice way of looking at this. Then again for an apocalypse: what is this 'nice'? For me, this sort of total implosion of time and space will always be embodied in the Marvel character of the same name. There is no right or wrong, there is only the destiny of place (including class, race, and economy) thus a tower of of power and control.
4~The bad event sentence is badly framed. There is only one reality: the one you're present in. That's why I can understand those otaku's who believe, deeply believe/live/think they are in what others decide are 'fantasy' worlds. For them, they live in those places of reality at all times, that's who they are. after all who tells us what's real? This taste, these lips that have lied before; these eyes that squint and blur; these hands that strike and take up gleeful violence without a thought; and these ears that need voices to repeat lies they choose to believe? Ha I think not. This is the same body that told me I was in love, in pain, that hurt when all its trying to do is save itself. I can respect those who embody their reality with their minds more than their bodies. 'A bad event' (whatever that may be) is the inhuman foil for the golden age. Now its you disagreeing with the masses instead of agreeing.
All of these however are a result of the choices you make. These are the terrible and sublime results of your descisions that you strive to make. That's why crossroads confuse us so much, its a crapshoot. You literally have no way of knowing what's going to happen. Just step off the cliff and die already or live.
On the other hand there's an option we haven't discussed. you can stop time itself, staring at the sunset forever, as you stand unwilling to make a choice. This could never be something I'd willingly advise to anyone although this is how so many of us try to live our lives. By doing this we do what those you scorn the visual arts hate the most, we try to live in a moment, a snapshot of a second, and refuse to realise that as soon as that second ended so did that perfection. Its hard to explain but that is my attempt. Imagine yourself somewhere safe with a photograph of the color black in your hand. You stare into that photograph deeply trying to see more details that you might have missed at first glance, constantly searching in that photograph for something to envelope your being and take you in. I'm sorry if this is too hyperbolic for you to stand but that's what I'm trying to explain for the others who don't get that taking a stand is the only way to live. I apologize to those who understand, you probably could have done with skipping this paragraph.
Playlist from Youtube with searchable title and user who uploaded (not in any type of order, just things off my favourited list, which is very long, btw I'm vonton22 on there so that is that) :
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
IMOW: the Bees of Spring
Let us all take a moment for the brave spring bees who thought the warm times were ahead and braved the dire winds to forage for their hives only to be surprised by a sudden frost. I watched them, twitching on the brown wet concrete of the sidewalk, and I didn't have the strength to have mercy.
Me: Maybe they'll fight through this, maybe some survive...just wait for what you may call mercy and some will hail murder!!!
Voice: So you watched them?
[pause]
Me: I didn't have the heart.
Me: Maybe they'll fight through this, maybe some survive...just wait for what you may call mercy and some will hail murder!!!
Voice: So you watched them?
[pause]
Me: I didn't have the heart.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
IMOW: Tim Horton's Ditty
Roll Up The Rim to Win!coffee
Need a coffee/
to calm these nervous, shaking nerves/
Dropped the kids off at hockey/
drama arose/
We nearly forgot the sticks at home/
Saw the boys trudge off to their wild afternoon/
while the girl is sculpted into a figurine/
I have my coffee/
The ride was otherwise the same it has been for the last four months/
Swerving, dodging, praying/
it all holds together/
until we park/
Safe/
She thinks its funny/
to stop me before I turn the ignition/
"Let us pray"/
and the twins joined in/
"Let us not drive with bad feelings in our hearts"/
I laugh/
we laugh/
because we're scared/
Coffee is burning my throat/
as I finish it with three hours to go/
It's now I notice the red and yellow packaging/
the miniature pictures of prizes to be won/
100/ 5000/ 35/ 31 000 000/ 20 000/
The vehicle looks so good in grey and white/
black lines outline the yellow/
better and safer than the scalding coffee inside the cup/
Win/
Gagnez un cafe/
coffee
All right.
Need a coffee/
to calm these nervous, shaking nerves/
Dropped the kids off at hockey/
drama arose/
We nearly forgot the sticks at home/
Saw the boys trudge off to their wild afternoon/
while the girl is sculpted into a figurine/
I have my coffee/
The ride was otherwise the same it has been for the last four months/
Swerving, dodging, praying/
it all holds together/
until we park/
Safe/
She thinks its funny/
to stop me before I turn the ignition/
"Let us pray"/
and the twins joined in/
"Let us not drive with bad feelings in our hearts"/
I laugh/
we laugh/
because we're scared/
Coffee is burning my throat/
as I finish it with three hours to go/
It's now I notice the red and yellow packaging/
the miniature pictures of prizes to be won/
100/ 5000/ 35/ 31 000 000/ 20 000/
The vehicle looks so good in grey and white/
black lines outline the yellow/
better and safer than the scalding coffee inside the cup/
Win/
Gagnez un cafe/
coffee
All right.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
L@T: Noisettes BLAM
Ladies & GentsIt's crazy but I've been thinking alot about my blog of late...I'm doing so much work on it...getting regular and anyway I was trolling and I found out Noisettes new album (after forevvvvveeerr) on April 17 which sounds good.
Go listen to their new track "Break Free" at http://www.myspace.com/noisettesuk
...Still working on that Ol' collage for my last post...
Friday, February 22, 2008
L@T: (+)vity in Action
Blarrrggg its my weekly updates mateys!!! I had this whole thing that I was going to talk about...you know the hatrix* and so forth but you have to write that kind of stuff when you're just coming out of it so I'll do something positive instead. Here's a mish mash of things that bring a smile to my face of late:
Crazy I think I just saw microscopic bug....maybe I'm just tired. I'm going to work on a visual collage for this post now!
*More on the Hatrix at another post but not this one. I will be happy today. Happy, happy, happy...
- I just started volunteering at a radio station which has made me start to re-evaluate my musical taste which are wide (and can be offensively tacky to some) and embracing but I'm hoping I'll meet some cool people. I meet this girl Jenny C. but she's leaving in a week...this is a theme of my life, people passing through...I don't know if that makes things more beautiful or sad. Nope, this (+) tivity day (which is nearly as much of a bullshit holiday as family day since only 40% of working parents actually qualify for the day off and its not for families but just because there's too long without a holiday between new years and Easter so its all crap....nearly as much crap as Valentine's day ...I digress). Anyway I'm starting to work on my radio show that I want to pitch to the station. Its in relation to movies, soundtracks, and trivia 9the kind you only find trawling the net as I am wont to do.). It should be really cool but it has no name yet or set format. Until then I'll practice my on air personality and just help out around the station (Because that's what good girls do!)
- PingMag (http://pingmag.jp/)- Go to the english and then the japan section. This website makes me smile in regards to ...everything Japanese!!! They have so many articles on products, artists, shows, etc. Gives a girl something to aspire to for when I move there!
- Rolo Realm (http://www.thehookupzone.net/RoLoRealm/topten.php)- Oh YES. I hesitated to include this but my dorkiness knows NO BOUNDS. By the way, the new Wolverine movie is coming out and so many sick, sick characters are going to be in it (Hold up I had to do my overbundence-of-joy-contained dance again) like Gambit and a way smarter Sabretooth (nefarious!)....Geeeeeekkkkk.
- Audrey Kawasaki ( http://www.audrey-kawasaki.com/2007/index.php)- An amazing artist who works on wood (like her canvas) and paint and pencils etc. An extremely diverse talent from Pratt University. You may feel uncomfortable with the youthful sexuality (I guess this is where classy pervs get their jonesy's on...) but if you look past that and examine the romantic world she creates, in contrast to my next artist, you gotta respect the woman. WORK!
- Fafi ( http://www.fafi.net/wallpaint/years.html)- I actually wasn't going to discuss her next but her caustic little creatures do tend to make me laugh. She's the most(in my opinion) badass female painting graffiti artist from france but travels all over the world doing so much more. She's a business woman on the march on fashion, brick, publishing...repping.
- Fresh laundry...seriously nothing like going a round with the old washing machine and coming out the better for it.
- Beth White (http://www.lindgrensmith.com/search/white/index.php)- Okay I just became a huge fan of hers (ten seconds ago!) She makes art out of paper like silhouettes (This is not Punch & Judy, ladies & Gents). She's doing a show with Ms Kawasaki which is how I discovered her. Her intricate portraits show an ingenuity and a level of mature sophistication without losing their (and I wouldn't add youthful but some would) quirk. Its so fun like art should be. I suddenly have the urge to go break out some safety scissors and coloured paper...
- "NCIS" and "Location, Location, Location" reruns- Let me break it down: Kirstie Allsop and Jethro Gibbs are too hard for you regular folks. They will break you and mold you into the perfect NCIS agent/ English home buyer ever. Enough said. (Heroes plz plz plz come back to me....)
- Alex, Ray, Sammy, Coco, and Tia- These kids make me laugh. And they kind of sound like a brat pack.
- The Noisettes (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C91iV8gQb1U)- This English band (What's The Time Mr. Wolf?) are so last season in some people's eyes but I am in full on love. And a super hot black girl Shingai Shoniwa fronting this sweet, I wouldn't quite say rock, party thrash band is just a triple bonus squared.
- Alice Smith ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx_LdMnOvZA)-Get thee to Youtube immidiatemont!( That's supposed to be French...I should brush up on my French.) And if I hear one word about Alicia Keys VS Alice I'll scream. Just Don't DO It. It's like Kate Nash VS Lilly Allen- not the same just because it's 2 white girls.
- Great lush movies- Frida, Chungking Express, Fallen Angel, The Fountain...I can't stop playing these movies again and again. Sometime I'm not even watching it, its background noise. I can feel the emotions in the voices and silences...the music, the sounds of breathe. Two of them are subtitled but trust me, they're so worth the risk if you enjoy emotional, visceral movies ( w/ or w/out plot...I'm talking to you director Wai!) that take you to a place inside yourself that you trouble to relate and communicate to others.
- Beth Ditto from The Gossip(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gossip)- The second I feel bad about myself, my inner voice of confidence takes her form and pumps me up. I would unabashedly become a lesbian for this lady. This voice sounds like chicken and beer and sultry good times dancing till your sweaty in a bar where the DJ is so good you forget if anyone you know is there.
- The Vagabond Set ( http://www.thevagabondset.com/)- This lady is living a very cool life (perhaps vapid according to some but none should judge. You're so jealous!) and I'm not exactly sure how she does it but does it she does. She's just moved to Tokyo ( from Manchester, England but is a Swede...you get it after awhile) and she details the fashionable and the life according to her and Said (I've figured it out...I kept thinking she was just saying said repetitively because she doesn't capitalize [importance of grammar kids!] but I'm pretty sure that's just her boyfriends name.). Its a cool knick nack of stuff drenched in designer duds.
- And so I've finished Hitodama to the point that I'm comfortable showing it to people...of course now I want to flesh one of the characters a bit more...and what you may not know is that each book gets a playlist of songs that evoke characters as they are and as they hope to be and who they've been- this book is really about loss and coping as young adults (Beer, beer, beer!). I'm starting on the next novelette ( I'm not sure exactly what to do about the first yet) and I found the song for my character Janey L. in this book by Shane Alexander:Shipwrecked: and the whole album that goes with it. Go listen immediately ( The Album Is Out NOWWWW...I'd have it if I weren't so broke and I refuse to bittorrent this, a girl must draw a line! If not true beauty then where?) at (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEjohC0dNWk)
Crazy I think I just saw microscopic bug....maybe I'm just tired. I'm going to work on a visual collage for this post now!
*More on the Hatrix at another post but not this one. I will be happy today. Happy, happy, happy...
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Edict OT General # 3:The power of forgiveness and determination
Wow remember when you were a kid and somebody wronged you? And just before you could exact your perfect revenge the villain was caught and forced to give you their sad excuse for a “Sorry”. As a child (or maybe even still now) you didn’t hide your feelings. Sorry doesn’t cut it asshole! You wanted the sweet sweet taste of revenge and nothing else would do…for about fifteen minutes after which you eventually found yourself so bored by the whole evil maniac monologue in your head that you either forgot* about the whole thing naturally or tell yourself to leave off it until you do forget.
And that was what was great about childhood: you could enter the now and ‘forget’ the pain of before. Of course now you’re an adult and that simply doesn’t fly anymore. You can try like hell, be absolutely determined to forget your hurts and affronts, but its there at the back of your restless mind and coming to the forefront.
What the hell do you do when that forgetting shit doesn’t work? That’s something each person should examine for themselves. Sometimes, psychotherapybabble aside, you do have a great reason for not forgiving. It might not be a great reason in the grand scheme of things but in the small stage of life that you occupy it may mean everything. You do have the right to protect yourself from those who don’t mean you well and will repeat those same devastating acts.
But just because you scream “I hate you all” at the top of your lungs doesn’t mean you don’t hate yourself a little for it. After all, who doesn’t want to swoop down and rescue another from themselves? That would transform you from the victim to the hero.
But here’s my personal stand from that: Scream. Scream all you want and it doesn’t matter who you think you’re screaming at, in the end it’s always you. Haha doesn’t just suck how weak we are? Or is it strong? Sometimes I have to imagine society as people stuck in bubbles that may pop at any second from being pressed together so tightly but still the real people inside never touch.
The conundrum is this, should we all be responsible for saving ourselves- doomed to fail- or save each other- doomed again to fail? That is the wrong question. We are forgetting that relationships between real live people can be reflected in the intertextualities of characters in literature. The greatest artists show us the everyday, the mundane, and thus the truth. They make us revel in it. But I digress [majorly<- huh, I never knew that was slang. People, majorly is not a word! Okay seriously, stop.], we have to be determined to solve how to forgive those who have harmed us without letting them back into our lives.
You see, grudges are powerful things that just stick on your heart like a clogged artery. HEART ATTACK BABY! [sorry I have to allow myself 1 minute of otakuness a day. People, that was it. F33r 1t.]
But wait, didn’t I post earlier how people shouldn’t apologise if they don’t mean it?
Crap, I just realized…I’m struggling with the same quandary!
Right so what do you do? You get determined. You get so fucking determined you scare the people aware enough to see it in you. They don’t know what to say, they need to be awed. You have got to believe that you are worth establishing forgiveness. That won’t be easy, soldier. There will be tears and reflection and pain but when you cross so many of your own bridges, it might be easier to feel some compassion to the bridges that others have burnt behind them.
It takes a lot of fear to fuel a burning bridge. Who couldn’t understand that kind of fear? Who couldn’t reflect on a time where you’ve thrown your own fear on a bridge from your heart to another’s? And who amongst us, with all that, would dare not to remember the pain it brought us? That is why forgiveness won’t be easy. It isn’t easy because it takes time. Unfortunately the collusion of your destiny doesn’t come with a timetable.
* When I say “forget” I actually mean “put it to the back of your inner closet until it all builds up as a pubescent when you just happen to think about it and suddenly you’re really angry about a multitude of offences all at once…” Yeah.
Playlist [ parts from my two itunes playlists “relaxo” and “adieu mr knight”] : “hallelujah” Rufus Wainwright, “dead meat” Sean Lennon, “broken” Seether ft Amy Lee, “black hole sun” Soundgarden, “its been awhile” Staind, “you’re so last summer” Taking Back Sunday, “stranger in my house” Tamia, “count yourself in” Ten Second Epic, “apologize” One Republic, “deep river” Utada Hikaru, “first love” Utada Hikaru, “amai wana” Utada Hikaru, “when it all falls apart” The Veronicas, “color me once” Violent Femmes, “hoppipolla” Sigur Rus, “swiderweb” Coldplay, “fortune faded” Red Hot Chili Peppers, “the simple story” Feist ft Jane Birkin, “paper planes” M.I.A.
Friday, February 8, 2008
L @ T: Seriously?
No wonder people don't think we can do anything...seriously, how long did it take to practice this? Go do something with your life! I know everyday you do something you regret, like filling up a quota, but I think they filled up a couple weeks worth!
M M & I: Old Lady News prt 2
Kay these are rants from miles and days and inches ago...serious. But January sort of imploded all over me which is just as gross as it sounds. So I'm just going to quickly recap that lovely week in January, put up an edict, put up a link, update some info and be gone baby gone. Off to watch NCIS, brain shall return.
Day 4-
Actually inbetween the lazing alot of good got done. Plans were being made left and right. Weelll the shapes of plans were being made. And today I gave a very basic rundown of my magazine pitch to a friend ( http://girlsdontusuallydothis.blogspot.com/2007_10_01_archive.html ) for the first time. Which is cool and weird at the same time. It's cool but no one knows how much courage it took for me to talk about the magazine idea to a friend. I had no idea what reaction to expect. Didn't have the balls to tell her the whole thing but the first step is out there, vibrating in the world. Now it's up to me to kind of follow it through.
It's weird because I have friends from high school who don't really know me because even though I've changed so much in the last five years I hide these parts of myself from them so our friendship can continue. Essentially they are still friends with the "high school" me ( I feel Kate Nash's "Foundations" would really explain the feeling I go through. Occassionally the cracks in these relationships cannot be smoothed over...)
Nearly everytime we reconnect its weird in my head. An emotional goal for this year can be to see whether they can accept me as I am ( a sexuality accepting, fashion/art whore/hobo, lit freak, sarcastically optimistic, OCD/ADD/Dyslexic whole human being) and vice versa. If they can't then there are some facades one cannot and should not aim to keep.
Without acceptance there is no love. Without love there is a vortex...a black hole where love should be.
Over the course of just living, each and every one of us, saints and all, will harm, hurt, damage, and break those around us. Why invite the inevitable into our lives? Why not encounter it as the bigger picture intended?
My mantra for 2008:
IF YOU CAN'T ACCEPT ME AS I AM THEN THIS IS ME ANYWAY- WORKING TO MAKE THE REALITY OF ME BE. I AM SORRY YOU CAN'T BE APART OF THAT PROCESS (...cuz it would have been so killer!!! Why do you think I was inviting you, the chips you'd bring? Well you would have been partly right).
I guess that's what I'm going to have to say and be at. Ha, who wouldn't want to be on they're journey to "there"???
Playlist: "7 days" Craig David ft. Mos Def / "a night like this" The Cure, "spaze out" Lupe Fiasco, "push" Madonna, "billy" James Blunt, "hunter" Dido, "black hole sun" Soundgarden
Day 4-
Actually inbetween the lazing alot of good got done. Plans were being made left and right. Weelll the shapes of plans were being made. And today I gave a very basic rundown of my magazine pitch to a friend ( http://girlsdontusuallydothis.blogspot.com/2007_10_01_archive.html ) for the first time. Which is cool and weird at the same time. It's cool but no one knows how much courage it took for me to talk about the magazine idea to a friend. I had no idea what reaction to expect. Didn't have the balls to tell her the whole thing but the first step is out there, vibrating in the world. Now it's up to me to kind of follow it through.
It's weird because I have friends from high school who don't really know me because even though I've changed so much in the last five years I hide these parts of myself from them so our friendship can continue. Essentially they are still friends with the "high school" me ( I feel Kate Nash's "Foundations" would really explain the feeling I go through. Occassionally the cracks in these relationships cannot be smoothed over...)
Nearly everytime we reconnect its weird in my head. An emotional goal for this year can be to see whether they can accept me as I am ( a sexuality accepting, fashion/art whore/hobo, lit freak, sarcastically optimistic, OCD/ADD/Dyslexic whole human being) and vice versa. If they can't then there are some facades one cannot and should not aim to keep.
Without acceptance there is no love. Without love there is a vortex...a black hole where love should be.
Over the course of just living, each and every one of us, saints and all, will harm, hurt, damage, and break those around us. Why invite the inevitable into our lives? Why not encounter it as the bigger picture intended?
My mantra for 2008:
IF YOU CAN'T ACCEPT ME AS I AM THEN THIS IS ME ANYWAY- WORKING TO MAKE THE REALITY OF ME BE. I AM SORRY YOU CAN'T BE APART OF THAT PROCESS (...cuz it would have been so killer!!! Why do you think I was inviting you, the chips you'd bring? Well you would have been partly right).
I guess that's what I'm going to have to say and be at. Ha, who wouldn't want to be on they're journey to "there"???
Playlist: "7 days" Craig David ft. Mos Def / "a night like this" The Cure, "spaze out" Lupe Fiasco, "push" Madonna, "billy" James Blunt, "hunter" Dido, "black hole sun" Soundgarden
Saturday, January 5, 2008
its a new year so a new organizational code
This is a quick one. Basically this blog has been so directionless and so i'm adding some order to my world. Sometimes i want to discuss geekery. sometimes i want to give a small personal essay on literature, the news or the way that is life. I'm giving each section a heading (Hopefully i get everything...):
IMOW (In My Own World). That could have anything to do with general stuff about me and culture or geekery etc.
MM&I (Me Myself & I). Basically me ranting on my own on various stressors
L@ T! (Look At That!). A small blurb or link at something I want to point out
Edict OT General # (Edict Of The General #). These are the essays criticizing our/my way of living that is not to our/my benefit and we/I damn well know it. We/I poke at our/my scars until they heal!!!
And i probably have more but I just gave the blog a quick reno but there is more to come all over january. Why do i keep writing as if there is a platitude of people reading??? this is probably the worst anyone will ever see my grammar outside of msn.
IMOW (In My Own World). That could have anything to do with general stuff about me and culture or geekery etc.
MM&I (Me Myself & I). Basically me ranting on my own on various stressors
L@ T! (Look At That!). A small blurb or link at something I want to point out
Edict OT General # (Edict Of The General #). These are the essays criticizing our/my way of living that is not to our/my benefit and we/I damn well know it. We/I poke at our/my scars until they heal!!!
And i probably have more but I just gave the blog a quick reno but there is more to come all over january. Why do i keep writing as if there is a platitude of people reading??? this is probably the worst anyone will ever see my grammar outside of msn.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
